Fallen
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: "You're lying," Renji rasped. His bandaged hands clenched into fists. "You're lying, Kurosaki Ichigo!" Rage surged through him as he saw pity begin to echo across the orange-haired Shinigami's face. "You're lying! There's no way Kuchiki-taichō would die!" AU to chapter 502. Can be seen as romantic or platonic.


_Fallen_

Renji laughed at the Shinigami in front of him. Kurosaki Ichigo was staring at him in shock, his brown eyes wide as the vice-captain of the sixth division laughed at him. Bandages covered his entire body, and the substitute Shinigami could hear the rasp of his breath as the peals of harsh laughter escaped from him. Renji had awoken to find Ichigo talking quietly to Rukia, his expression solemn as he spoke to the petite Shinigami. Her fingers were by her sides, uncharacteristically tight as Renji awoke and rasped what was going on. He had asked then where was Kuchiki- _taichō_. The memories of the battle were hazy. Renji could barely remember falling into unconsciousness, only knowing that his captain was being defeated and he could not do anything. The red-haired Shinigami was shocked to find Ichigo turn towards him with the most serious face he had seen so far. Whispering, he had told the vice-captain that Kuchiki- _taichō_ had died in battle. For a moment Renji didn't understand what Ichigo was saying. Then, laughter came from him. The laughter died on his lips when he could see Ichigo's unchanging face and Rukia looking at him in shock.

"You're lying," Renji rasped. His bandaged hands clenched into fists. "You're lying, Kurosaki Ichigo!" Rage surged through him as he saw pity begin to echo across the orange-haired Shinigami's face. "You're lying! There's no way Kuchiki- _taichō_ would die!" _There's no way he could die,_ Renji thought as his hands trembled in rage, remembering the battle more as he tried to sit up. Kuchiki- _taichō_ , bleeding and bleeding… "There's no way –!"

"Renji." His name was whispered, and Renji stared at the Shinigami who was looking at him with gentle eyes. His warm violet eyes were now swimming with…grief. _"Niisama_ is dead. They found his body not far from where we were unconscious. _Gomen nasai_ , Renji," she stated as Renji's eyes widened further as he remembered of how his _taichō_ was attacked by his own bankai, the cherry blossoms everywhere the petals could reach. "Renji?" Rukia whispered, stunned to find that the Shinigami was shaking. "Renji," she said more seriously, "you know that when a Shinigami dies –"

"I want to see him." Rukia's shocked violet orbs bored into his own, her own eyes fighting tears as she found her old friend shaking. "If he is dead, then I want to see him with my own two eyes!" How could he possibly stand or lean on Kurosaki Ichigo as the substitute Shinigami left the ward to take him where Kuchiki- _taichō_ lay. His breath became labored with only a few feet, but Renji refused to stop. Taichō… Renji thought as he was taken to the chaos outside. As his brain was fogged with pain, he remembered more of what had happened.

Kuchiki- _taichō_ had instructed him to leave this battle to him, and Renji had seen with his two eyes as his _taichō_ 's own bankai was used against him. _How could something so beautiful create so much blood?_ His heart had stopped when he had seen Kuchiki- _taichō_ 's blood pelt onto the ground, coming in red rivulets. Seeing _Senbonzakura_ tear through his _taichō_ 's flesh was too much for him, seeing the bankai making him bleed and gasp for breath as he was at the mercy of the enemy. _How could he be dead?_ Renji thought furiously as he remembered his screams. _"STOP!"_ The screams almost collapsing his vocal cords, seeing the blood continue to flow and unable to do _anything._

Now he stood with the help of Kurosaki Ichigo, his impossibly widened eyes staring at the crater before him. His breath ceased as he saw the amount of blood staining the crater, surrounding the Shinigami who lay there. Renji saw Kuchiki Byakuya lying in his own blood, his eyes closed, his body almost obscured by the amount of blood coating his entire body. _"Taichō…"_ The voice escaping from him was not his own. It whispered, was weak, and almost died as he continued to see Kuchiki- _taichō_ without life. It was taught that it was their own mistakes that would cause the death of a Shinigami. They accepted death, and accepted their mistakes as well. But Renji was not thinking about that. His only thought that his _taichō_ was dead, and he had been unable to protect him.

"Oi." Renji could hear the substitute Shinigami across from him, and could see the empathy and sympathy in them. "It seems odd that we thought of him as an enemy, right? I mean, Byakuya acted as if he didn't care about Rukia, and yet –" The substitute Shinigami suddenly found himself on the floor, holding an aching cheek as Renji stood raging before him.

"Don't you dare…" he hissed, barely concealing the pain at the sound of the name coming from the Shinigami's lips. "Don't you _dare_ act as if you knew him!" Raw pain coursed through him as his eyes collided with the broken body lying in the bloodied crater. "Don't you dare…say his name." Renji shook, collapsing on his knees from the wounds he had sustained and the gaping bleeding hole in his heart. _Why does it hurt so much…?_ Renji thought as he thought of memories. He had woken up late at night to find his _taichō_ sitting beside the cherry blossom tree, a serene expression across his face. Renji had been surprised, but had inwardly smiled. One night Kuchiki- _taichō_ had wanted to walk with him late at night beneath the moon, where they had talked about Rukia. Renji had been stunned when his _taichō_ had wanted to know about Rukia's childhood, and had complied. He remembered the moment when the male Kuchiki had praised him, and had placed his scarf over his body.

Renji had wondered, during the moments during the time he had visited the captain in his hospital room, why the Shinigami had spared him. It took him only a moment to realize that if Kuchiki- _taichō_ wanted to kill him, he would have. He was in the rights to do so. His vice-captain had escaped prison, injured many of his subordinates, and had attempted to kill him. Rukia had told him that the scarf was the Kuchiki clan head's heirloom, passed down from Kuchiki- _taichō_ 's beloved grandfather, and would not allow one person to touch it. Why then, did he allow the precious scarf to touch a traitor's body? Renji saw it a gesture of respect, a respect that his captain did not have for many Shinigami. It was perhaps parallel to his own respect and admiration to his _taichō_.

 _I didn't truly want to kill him or defeat him that time…and he felt the same way. "STOP!" Renji could see so much blood, his captain unable to move. A fear, unknown to him before, seized him as he roared. He had shouted that the enemy was not worthy of wielding Senbonzakura. He could only see his captain's face, blood coating the skin as he attempted to call his bankai before he was thrown and fell into unconsciousness._

"It is considered as shame…in the world of the Shinigami…to allow one's _taichō_ to die." Renji swallowed, his voice catching in his throat as he saw the broken pieces of the bankai at his feet. _Taichō_ had told him about the death of the bankai, and Renji swallowed thickly, his bandaged hands turning into fists as he stared at the Shinigami he admired so much. "He was…my _taichō_ …Ichigo." Renji felt himself being pulled up, the Shinigami's strong arm supporting him as the two mourning Shinigami bowed their heads in respect. "Even though I acted as if I hated him and wanted to defeat him…I truly didn't. I respected him so much, and I…" Renji would not allow himself to cry. He would not. "I was weak in the end. I couldn't protect him from his own blade, and I failed him as his _fukutaichō_."

The funeral was comprised of all of the Gotei 13. Renji could see members of the Kuchiki clan as well in attendance, but his only focus was on the burning body in the flames. _Captain…_ he thought, looking across to see Rukia and Ichigo standing side by side. _Ore wa…_ He remembered as an elder of the Kuchiki clan came to him, after his _taichō_ 's body had been prepared for the funeral. Renji instantly recognized it as the scarf in the noble's hand. There was not a drip of blood, like there had been both times. Renji had stared as the noble informed him that their new head Kuchiki Rukia- _sama_ wanted him to have the scarf. His hands had visibly trembled as he held the soft material. It caressed his skin, and Renji swallowed heavily as the clan elder left.

He tried to put the scarf around his neck, but could not. It felt that it didn't belong to him. That it shouldn't belong to him. Renji had failed. It had surprised him, but Renji could smell the faintness of cherry blossoms in the silk. It was around his neck, almost warming him as he thought of the memory of his _taichō_ holding out his hand as the cherry blossoms fell. _Ore wa…_ It still had the scent of the captain. As Renji held the scarf to his chest as he lowered the material from his neck, he thought of how his _taichō_ had told him when he had just been accepted as his vice-captain that his own death would be his mistake and his alone.

 _Ore wa...anta o mamorikunakatta…taichō…_

Tears fell down his face. Renji allowed himself to cry as he saw the flames continue to engulf the body of the Shinigami that had been beyond his reach.

 _Gomen nasai…Kuchiki-taichō._

* * *

 _Ore wa...anta o mamorikunakatta…taichō… Gomen nasai... I...couldn't protect you...Captain... I'm sorry..._


End file.
